Spaulding Gray-South African Connection

I was a little late last Thursday when we watched Spalding Gray in class, so the first thing I saw was Gray recounting his swim with the South African Ivan.  Gray’s description of Ivan, as a man who had this above and beyond conceited attitude about being invincible in the water had me laughing my butt off.  Why??? Because my husband is South African, and I swear he has the exact same attitude!! Heck, Gray could have been describing my husband when he recounted Ivan’s conceited remark that Gray’s fear of his drowning was unfounded, because didn’t he know that he was South African, and that South African’s “ride rip-tides for fun!!”. 

I thought this was hilarious!  My husband is from Port Elizabeth, South Africa, and ever since I met him, he has been telling me all about his water adventures that he experienced in his youth.  HOWEVER, let me tell you, that in the last 16 years that I have been involved with this man, I have NEVER seen him step foot in a large body of water.  And there have been more than enough times that I have asked him to join me in some type of activity involving water— I guess this is a good time to mention that I love to swim.  I swim a lot. I have been involved in water sports for most of my life.  I swim laps when I can, and I love to kayak and go white water rafting when I get a chance.  Plus, I take our kids to water parks every year religiously.  Never has he joined in.

This is what our conversations usually sound like…

Conversation 1

Me-Do you want to go with me kayaking?

Him-Nah, where? Oh, no, no, no. That sounds much too easy. In South Africa, I have kayaked in rivers where there are huge alligators ready to eat you. Soooo, NO.

Conversation 2

Me-Do you want to go with me paddle boarding?

Him-Do what?? Where? Oh, no, no, no.  (He, then went into this long rant about surfing when he was young)  When I was a youngster, my friends and I would grab any flat board we saw, and we would surf the Indian Ocean, you know, where it meets the Atlantic Ocean, and where there are humongous waves.  Because, don’t you know? I’m South African and it just comes naturally to us---We laugh at the Europeans and Americans trying to surf our waters. HA, HA, HA.

Conversation 3

Me-So, the kids and I are going to the water park. Do you want to go?

Him- Vero. I am South African, don’t you know, (Duh!), and I do not like to get in any water that is chlorinated.  No. We will all go swimming when we move to California, where we can swim in the Pacific Ocean!!  (We have been “moving” to California for the last few years, but have yet to actually do it because of my, and our oldest daughter’s school obligations.)

As previously mentioned, my husband has yet to join me in any type of activity that involves water.  At this point, I am always teasing him, and joking with him that the reason that he probably has never joined me in any water activity is because he probably can’t even swim, despite being South African—He doesn’t think this is funny.

Furthermore, I would like to recount our conversation when I came back from class last Thursday, and told him about Gray’s monologue, and the episode with the South African Ivan.

Conversation 4

Me-(very excited) Guess what we watched today in class?  Spaulding Gray’s monologues, and he talked about his adventures with a South African, who thought it was hilarious that Gray thought he had drowned…(I  told him about the rip-tide thing)…and then Ivan says to Spaulding, “I am South African. We ride rip-tides for fun” (at this point I am giggling)

Him- (He then looks at me with a straight face) Well. What’s so funny about that? We’re South African.  That’s What We Do.

UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!